


Well I Do

by Mutt_Winchester



Series: Everything in Between [3]
Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Character's Name Spelled as Viktor, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Suicide, In honor of Chester Bennington, Linkin Park references, M/M, Minor Character Death, Music, Other, Sort Of, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-19
Updated: 2017-08-19
Packaged: 2018-12-17 03:08:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,662
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11842698
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mutt_Winchester/pseuds/Mutt_Winchester
Summary: The opening of the front door and the pounding of feet had Yuuri looking up in surprise just in time to be tackled in a strong hug from Yura. Blinking in confusion, Yuuri didn’t expect the trio to be back yet, having stated they were going to hang out at the campus radio-station until it was time for dinner. And Yuuri certainly didn’t expect a bone-crushing hug from Yura.“You w-would say something r-right? If-if it ever got too-too bad? You-you would say some-something to V-Viktor? To me-me? To someone, r-right?” Yura whispered, his voice broken and choppy as though he was struggling to hold back tears.Or when a celebrity the boys deeply admire commits suicide, the question of whether Yuuri would say something if it ever got bad is put into question.Trigger Warning: Suicide of a real person. Written in honor of Chester Bennington of Linkin Park





	Well I Do

**Author's Note:**

> So... this was hard. Nearly a month ago I heard the news of Chester Bennington's suicide and I was just crushed. I grew up on Linkin Park's music. I can easily state that they are the first band I ever loved and to listen to their music now has filled me with a sense of how we as a society don't talk about the importance of mental health. It's a topic that needs to be talked about, we need to have open discussions.
> 
> I always knew in this series that I was going to have Yuri, Otabek, and JJ enjoy listening to Linkin Park, that's just a headcannon I had for these three. I had also planned on writing out the cover songs they did for a part of this series long before Chester's death. I still plan on writing it.
> 
> Please if you need someone to talk to, here is the number for the U.S. Suicide Prevention Lifeline - 1-800-273-8255. You don't have to be alone this is fight. Please reach out, your life matters to so many people.
> 
> I was unsure if I wanted to post this but I decided that I needed to. If only to help with my healing of the situation and hopeful help someone else as well.
> 
> "Who cares if one more light goes out? Well I do. Well I do." One More Light - Linkin Park

Otabek always enjoyed time at the radio station, especially when he could play his music and there wasn’t a lot of people there. Yura was there but the young blond didn’t fall into the category of people in Otabek’s mind. JJ was also there but the older man was playing some cords on his guitar in the background that was smoothing to Otabek. Yura was on his phone, taking a break from reading his current book (a massive tome on Russian history). Otabek was working on his current mix, trying to decide how he wanted to mash the two different songs. He had asked Yura and JJ to each give him a song and the two had delivered with an interesting selection, now to figure…

“No way…” Yura whispered.

“What is it, Princess?” JJ asked and Otabek turned to see his friend looking up from the open notebook in front of him.

“This can’t be…” Yura paused.

Otabek knew Yura well enough to know that it was the tone the Russian used when he was about to cry. “Yura?” Otabek promoted rolling the chair closer to his boyfriend.

“Chester… Chester Bennington… he…he’s dead. He hung himself,” Yura whispered looking up from his phone with a blank, broken look. “His body was found this morning. Mike Shinoda confirmed it.” 

Otabek felt his blood run cold. He remembered the first time he heard a _Linkin Park_ song, he had still been living in Kazakhstan. The disks turning and the wonderful sound it had made, the raw _beautiful_ sound of Chester’s voice, the _music_ pounding in his ears. Otabek had wanted nothing more than to pursue a future in that, much to his parents’ dismay.

Glancing over at JJ, Otabek saw his friend in shock. The Canadian had put his guitar down and was staring at Yura in disbelief. The days of working-out to _Linkin Park’s_ music and the nights of making covers of their favorite songs, they seemed so hollow. Like they would never happen again, at least not with the same passion as before. 

Turning to Yura to see the blond’s heartbroken face. The memory of Yura telling him that _Linkin Park_ was the first time that he felt a connection to music, the first time he felt that someone understood what he was going through and put it into words. The wonderful reality to know that he wasn’t alone, that someone understood him.

The collaboration the three of the them they had done together last December came to his mind. The image of Yura dancing to _Iridescent_. The roar of the crowd. The feel of the turn-table beneath his fingers. Hearing JJ’s powerful vocals electrifying the audience. The best thing, though, was the video message that Mike and Chester had sent them congratulating them on a wonderful cover. The fact that _Linkin Park_ had taken the time to film a video and posting it online for the world to see with a link to their video was heart-warming, and now… heartbreaking.

“ _I want to see Yuuri_ ,” Yura whispered, spilling into his mother-tongue trying to keep his voice steady. 

“ _Da, okay, let’s go_ ,” Otabek replied turning to JJ. “Let’s head to Viktor and Yuuri’s place.”

JJ just nodded as he put his guitar in its case as Otabek packed his laptop. Yura was hugging his book to his chest as he waited but looking closely Otabek could see his fingers shaking. Otabek slung his bag on his back as he stepped closer to his boyfriend, thankfully Viktor’s house was only four blocks away. 

It was going to be a long four blocks.

~

Yuuri was pouring tea into his favorite mug before filling Viktor’s. The raven knew that he needed to start preparing for dinner, he was asked (demanded by Yura) to make katsudon. JJ was visiting for the weekend before he, Otabek, and Yura would drive up to Canada for a week-long camping trip at the Leroy family cabin. 

Yuuri still thought it was strange that Yura was willing going to spend a week with JJ Leroy of all people, especially since sixteen-hours would be spent in an enclosed moving vehicle and seven days in the middle of the Canadian woods, and then sixteen-hour car ride back. However, Yuuri knew that despite widely held belief, Yura didn’t mind JJ. Or at least the teenager had gotten used to JJ’s JJ-ness. And Yuuri was proud of that. _I just hope I don’t get a call that JJ has been murdered_ , Yuuri thought. 

The opening of the front door and the pounding of feet had Yuuri looking up in surprise just in time to be tackled in a strong hug from Yura. Blinking in confusion, Yuuri didn’t expect the trio to be back yet, having stated they were going to hang out at the campus radio-station until it was time for dinner. And Yuuri certainly didn’t expect a bone-crushing hug from Yura.

“ _You w-would say something r-right? If-if it ever got too-too bad? You-you would say some-something to V-Viktor? To me-me? To someone, r-right?”_ Yura whispered, his voice broken and choppy as though he was struggling to hold back tears.

Glancing down Yuuri could see that Yura was doing just that, struggling to hold back tears, and failing. It was seeing tears fall from Yura’s green eyes that made Yuuri realize that Yura hadn’t spoken in Russian, but Japanese.

“ _Yurochka? What happened?_ ” Yuuri asked automatically hugging Yura back. Yuuri looked up to see Otabek and JJ standing at the edge of the kitchen, both looking down at their feet. Glancing at Viktor he could see that his husband equally confused and wondering if he should move towards Yura to comfort him or stay where he was. 

“What happened?” Yuuri repeated, this time in English. 

“Chester Bennington,” JJ spoke quietly. 

“The singer from _Linkin Park_ ,” Yuuri interrupted and he felt Yura shake in his arms

“He… he…”

“He hung himself,” Otabek finished. 

Yuuri froze before wrapping his arms tighter around Yura’s slim frame. Yuuri remembered the first time Yura had ever heard a _Linkin Park_ song. It had been February, a few weeks before Yura’s twelve birthday and the blond had been in America for nearly a year. A snow storm was coming and schools were closing early. Viktor had a class he couldn’t miss and Yuuri’s professor had cancelled class.

The two were listening to some radio station that played rock music from the early 2000s. Yuuri hadn’t been too sure about the music selection but Yura seemed to really like louder, heavier music, and considering that Lilia always played classical ballet music, Yuuri thought the child deserved some time to listen to what he preferred. 

Yuuri doesn’t quite remember what song played (it could have been _Crawling, In the End, Pushing Me Away, Somewhere I Belong, Easier to Run, Breaking the Habit, Numb_ , Yuuri doesn’t remember but that’s not important), only that from the moment the music started until it finished Yura had his full attention on the car speaker. When the song ended, Yura had turned and declared that someone understood what he was feeling. 

That weekend Yuuri had bought every _Linkin Park_ CD to give to Yura for his birthday in a few weeks. The 1000-watt smile on Yura’s face had been worth the money Yuuri had been saving to go towards visiting his family over the summer. Yura had hugged him (much like he was doing now) and proclaimed that Yuuri was his favorite and he would never forgive Viktor if they ever broke-up. 

“ _You-you would say something, ri-right?_ ” Yura repeated, still in Japanese. It was the repeated question and explanation that Yuuri understood what Yura was asking. 

_You would say something if you ever thought of ending your life. Wouldn’t you?_

Yuuri felt his heart break. His anxiety and episodes of depression were hard on everyone in his life, especially Yura. There were times that he felt like hiding away and never letting anyone know how he was feeling. Times when he felt too weak and unworthy of asking for help. Yuuri was getting better at that because he had people depending on him, people that would be devastated if he ever thought about…

“Who-who cares if o-one more l-light goes out? W-well I-I do,” Yura whispered a sob causing his voice to crack. “Well I do-do.” 

“Yurochka,” Yuuri said softly, pulling back Yura’s bangs to see his face. “Of course, I would say something. I _promise_ you I would say something.” 

Yuuri brought Yura closer, allowing the blond to hide his face as he gained control over his emotions. Glancing at Viktor he could see the older Russian still confused about what he should be doing. Viktor didn’t listen to the kind of music Yura or the boys did. His husband probably didn’t even know who Chester Bennington was… had been.

Yuuri recalls how crushed he had been when Wada Kouji had passed away from throat cancer a few years prior. The man had created a lot of the music to one of his favorite anime, Digimon. His passing had hurt so much. It didn’t matter that Yuuri had never meet the man. The lost was heartbreaking. 

And that passing had been from natural causes.

Not suicide. 

The issue of mental health was a topic people shied away from. It was something that people dubbed wasn’t important to talk about. No one cared enough to talk about, at least, until it was too late. Yuuri truly hoped that would one-day change. 

And he hoped that change would come soon. 

“How about you three head downstairs,” Yuuri suggested, still holding Yura close. “I’ll make some more tea and bring it down for you. Then I’ll start making some katsudon.” 

Yuuri watched as JJ nodded and the Canadian moved as if on auto-pilot towards the direction of the basement. Otabek hesitated moving closer to Yura but Yuuri shook his head. Yuuri had no intention of moving Yura before the teenager was ready to move, and no doubt that Viktor would want to say something to the blond. Otabek nodded with a frown as he followed JJ after he put a comforting hand in the middle of Yura’s back. 

Viktor moved closer after the boys had left and placed a warm hand in between Yura’s shoulder blades, keeping a gentle pressure. Yuuri looked up at Viktor with a deep frown. This was not how he expected his day to go and the Japanese man worried about if Yura was ready to go on a 1,000-mile plus trip to Canada after hearing this news. 

Yura was taking shuttering breathes as he gained control of his emotions. “ _You okay, bratishka_?” Viktor asked quietly.

“ _Da, it’s just…_ ” Yura began as he pulled back from Yuuri. “ _You promise you will say something? To Vitya? To me?_ ”

Yuuri gave a weak, sad smile at Yura’s questions. The blond went from Russian to Japanese, undoubtedly making sure not to worry Viktor. 

“ _Hai, Yurochka, I promise_ ,” Yuuri declared in Japanese moving his hand from around Yura’s back to hold the teenager’s face in his hands, wiping away tears as he spoke. “ _Help me carry down the tea?_ ” 

“ _Da_ ,” Yura said with a single nod, taking a step out of Yuuri and Viktor’s hold. “ _I’m okay, Vitya, I promise_.”

Viktor didn’t look convinced in Yuuri’s mind but he nodded and allowed the blond to step back with a sniff. Yuuri shot the older man a look that clearly stated they would talk later when the boys were sleeping, or at least not in the room. 

Yuuri set to adding more water to the kettle and boiling the water for chamomile tea for the boys. Within five minutes Yuuri was walking downstairs with a full teapot and Yura following with three mugs. Otabek and JJ were sitting on the sectional couch staring at the blank TV. Otabek looked up as Yura put the mugs on the coffee table. Yuuri poured the tea before quietly walking back upstairs. 

Viktor was waiting at the top of the stairs with a deep frown on his beautiful features. Yuuri gave a weak smile as he walked into his husband’s open arms. Staying there for a moment, Yuuri felt like he could have stayed there forever but he had promised the boys katsudon and they especially needed it after the day they had had. 

“ _Linkin Park_?” Viktor said quietly. “Do I…”

“You remember the boys’ performance last December, right?” Yuuri asked and was please when Viktor nodded. “They did covers of five _Linkin Park_ songs.”

It was only four songs, three really. _Wisdom, Justice, and Love_ wasn’t a song, more like an introduction to _Iridescent_ , same with _Fallout_ to _The Catalyst_. The program had been amazing and Yuuri wondered if he should push the boys to watch the performance again, in honor of Chester. 

“And this Chester was one of the singers? Which part was he?” Viktor asked.

“The parts that Yura sang, that was Chester’s vocals,” Yuuri answered.

Yuuri knew he was bias when it came to enjoy the show, as he was proud of the boys, especially Yura, who was a dancer not a singer. There had been times when Yura’s voice had been a bit off-key and cut-off due to nerves and exhaustion, but it was still amazing. Yura, Otabek, and JJ had worked hard on the covers and the live performance of _The Catalyst _and _The Messenger_. The introduction video of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.’s speech had been beautifully created with Phichit. The studio recording of the boys singing _Iridescent_ while Yura danced had been Yuuri’s favorite part of the whole recital.__

____

~

____

Yuri felt numb.

____

And if that wasn’t such a painful reaction Yuri would have laughed at the irony that what he was feeling was the name of the first _Linkin Park_ song he had ever heard.

____

_Numb_

____

A part of Yuri felt stupid for getting so emotional over the death of someone he had never met. And there was the fact that he had only been listening to _Linkin Park_ for the past five years, it wasn’t like he had been their fan since _Hybrid Theory_ came out (Yuri was only six months old when the album was released). But it still hurt.

____

The most embarrassing thing was falling apart in front of JJ. Glancing over at the Canadian Yuri could see that his friend was struggling. JJ hadn’t said anything since the trio had entered the basement and he had drunk his tea on auto-pilot. Yuri remembered how JJ stated that he had been a fan of _Linkin Park_ since 2007 when _Minutes to Midnight_ was released. 

____

Glancing up to see Beka in deep thought as the older teen ran his fingers through Yuri’s hair (smoothing both their nerves). His boyfriend had removed the hair-tie when Yuri laid his head in Otabek’s lap. Yuri recalled that Beka said his first _Linkin Park_ song was _New Divide_ in 2009. While Beka always talking about loving music, it was hearing the American band that solidified his love and passion and his dream to create music. 

____

____

____

“We should make a video,” Yuri whispered and immediately felt Otabek’s fingers pause.

____

____

____

“We should,” Beka agreed as he went back to combing Yuri’s hair.

____

____

____

“What song, Princess?” JJ asked turning to face the pair.

____

____

____

The first song that came to mind, was _Numb_ because it had been Yuri’s first song and while no doubt it would be an appropriate dedication song, it didn’t feel right. _Leave out all the Rest_ or _Heavy_ seemed like suitable choices, as well. But they didn’t seem right either. 

____

____

____

“ _Who cares if one more light goes out? In a sky of a million stars, it flickers, flickers. Who cares when someone’s time runs out? If a moment is all we are, we’re quicker, quicker. Who cares if one more light goes out? Well I do_ ,” Yuri sang softly, tears falling down his face.

____

____

____

“ _Well I do_.”

____

____

____

**Author's Note:**

> Please know that I care about each and every one of my readers. It is not weakness to admit you need help. If you ever need someone to talk to you can come talk to me on tumblr - https://muttwinchester.tumblr.com/ or call the Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255.
> 
> Who cares is one more light goes out?
> 
> Well I do.


End file.
